Don’t Penalize Me for Being Me

In a world that constantly champions individuality and authenticity, why do so many women feel penalized for simply being themselves? Whether in the workplace, social circles, or even within our families, there’s a subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) push to conform to preconceived notions, societal expectations, or outdated norms. This experience can feel particularly pronounced for women navigating spaces with invisible rulebooks dictating who women should be and how women should behave. But here’s the truth: Authenticity is not a flaw, an inconvenience, and certainly not something that should hold us back.

The Double Bind of Authenticity

One of the most frustrating aspects of being penalized for authenticity is the contradicting message from society (e.g., be yourself, lean in, and bring your whole self to every room you enter). When women act the way society suggests, they receive resistance. Self-confident women are labeled intimidating when they show assertiveness, uncommitted when they place family over their careers, and too sensitive or unprofessional when they express or display emotions in the workplace. These mixed messages create a no-win situation that can stifle their individuality and place unnecessary stress on women who want to live, work, and thrive as their authentic selves.

Authenticity Is Power

Authenticity is a superpower for women who embrace who they are - their quirks, passions, and perspectives; bringing value to every space they occupy because it fosters trust, builds deeper connections, drives innovation, and allows us to approach problems with fresh perspectives to connect with others on a genuine level.

Challenging the Penalization of Authenticity

Here are a few ways women can push back against the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways of being penalized for being themselves:

1. Own Your Narrative: The first step in challenging the penalties placed on authenticity is owning your story and celebrating your experiences, voice, and perspective. Let others know that your individuality is your strength, not something to apologize for.
2. Set Boundaries: If you find yourself in spaces that demand conformity at the expense of your authenticity, push back! Boundaries are powerful ways to protect your individuality and remind others to respect you and your authenticity.
3. Surround Yourself with Allies: Seek environments and relationships where your authenticity is accepted and celebrated by surrounding yourself with like-minded allies who will uplift and encourage you to be the best version of yourself.
4. Transform Culture: When you have the privilege or power to influence others, whether in the workplace, community, or family, use it to create spaces where others feel safe to be themselves and call out behaviors or policies that penalize authenticity.

A Call to Action

If you feel penalized for being you, you are not alone or the problem. The systems, structures, and cultures that fail to embrace authenticity need to change. Show up, speak out, and be unapologetically you because the world needs more of you, not less. Challenging the norms that penalize authenticity will create a future where everyone, regardless of their gender, race, or background, is free to thrive as their most authentic selves.